Sometimes Saving Everybody Just Isn't Enough
by SusyCares
Summary: FemShep finds herself on the Cidatel to make the final decision about the reapers. Samantha Romance one-shot.


Here I am at the end of life as we know it and the only thing on my mind is a toothbrush.

The faith of the galaxy in my hands and my biggest regret is that I never bought that toothbrush.

This is the moment that I've been working to these past years. Deep down I must have known that it would come to something like this, because I'm not as surprised as I should be. But I guess I always hoped for a better way out. I had to keep moral up, tell everybody that we could win this fight and come out of it to return to our old lives. Somewhere along the way I made myself believe it, too. Or at least I thought that I believed. Now I know better because there is no doubt in my mind as to what I have to do.

Every step hurts so much. It's not even the physical pain that hurts the most. No, that would be easy. I know suffering. I have known it all my life. There were always battles, fights and drunken nights that ended in brawls. All them have taken their toll. I might not have the scars to prove but I sure as hell know every spot on my body where a scar would be. Physical pain I can handle. Knowing that everybody's faith lays on my shoulder, not so much. I always had responsibilities but never like this, never for the future of all organic and synthetic life. But that's not even worst. The thing that drives me crazy is that I have all these things to worry about. Deciding the galactic future. And the only that really matters is this fucking toothbrush.

One more step towards the light blue abyss in front of me and one more step away from everything I really want.

I know what I have to do. I have to do it for everybody else I love. EDI. She is like a sister to me. A not socially well adapted sister, but a sister never the less. She has come so far. She's in love! An AI in love. More importantly she has found someone to love her back. Genuine love. Love that was only thought possible between organic life forms but Joker and EDI have proven them all wrong. And Legion and the rest of the geth. They united with us to fight the reapers. Now they finally have a chance to be a legitimate part of the galaxy just like the asari, salarians and even the krogans for that matter. I have fought for their right to exist, so how can I take it all away now? How could I ever look Joker in the eye knowing that I have destroyed his chance at happiness.

I shouldn't even be considering eliminating all synthetic life and I'm not. I will sacrifice my life and the galaxy will chance. For the better, I hope. A new kind of DNA, a new beginning for life. No wars between creator and created.

Another step and I'm almost at the edge. Two more steps and I could jump. End my suffering and end this war. A new beginning for everyone. Everyone but me. One more step and another sharp pain in my heart. I don't want to loose her. Samantha, my love, I am so sorry. The tears are starting to build up in my eyes. A slight chuckle leaves my lips. So out of place but I can't help it. What did she say? "I just never thought I'd see a woman under all that armor." And here I am crying because I am about to lose the one person I truly and completely love. In my mind i can see her face. That beautiful face with that look of utter adoration and love. She is everything I ever wanted. I never thought I would even get the chance to find somebody like her, let alone have her love me back. And now that I have it, I'm about to throw it all away for the greater good.

I never asked for this. I never wanted to decide. How can I even? How do I know what the right thing to do is? All I know is that EDI, Legion and the geth don't deserve to die, but there's Samantha. How can I ever possibly find her without a ship or the mass relays. Hell, I don't even know where she is at the moment. Could I even live in a world where the both of us are alive but not together? Is that worth sacrificing EDI and the geth?

Here it is. I stare down in the stream of light. One step and it's all over for me. But I can't. I promised her. I promised Samantha that we would have our happy ending. I need her. I need the house, dog and two kids. I need it. And I deserve it for god's sake. I gave so much. I gave everything to save the galaxy, when it was really her that deserved everything I could give.

I need to try. I will find a way to get to her. Yes, I deserve this. She deserves it, too. I can only give so much for everybody else. And to be honest, it surely won't make much of a difference. It might even turn out to be the better decision. Not that it really matters. All that matters is Samantha, my love, my everything.

I feel lighter as I take a step backwards. All the weight is lifted of me. Another step backwards and I feel better. Gone is the pain. Yes, I can do this. A smile appears on my face as I turn around and start running. I run towards the red light. Yes, this is the right thing for me. My smile fades as I think about all the people that have lost their lives along the way. I pull out my gun. Nothing as ever felt so right as firing the first shot. I'm doing this to revenge all these people, I'm doing this for Sam but most of all I'm doing this for me. Every new shot I fire sparks another explosion until the whole thing blows up. Fire all around me. I can feel the heat on my skin, the smoke is burning my eyes and filling my lungs. I take one last deep breath.

My love, I will find you! 


End file.
